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Barbara Bush Provides A True Feast of Literacy Despite A MIA Author

Okay, let’s get the disappointing news over with now. Mary Tyler Moore got sick Friday and called to say she couldn’t make it to “A Celebration of Reading.” Yes, we know, we know. If it had been anyone else but Barbara Bush (pictured), it would have spelled absolute disaster. Like we said anyone but Barbara Bush. She wasn’t First Lady for nothing.

So, she pulled a rabbit out of her hat, or make that the Erma Bombeck of Texas — Louise Bayless Parsley. Haven’t heard of her? Well, check with the 1,000+ that attended the Monday night event. By the time this never-had-a journalism-course author had had her way with the Dallas book lovers, Mary’s absence was totally forgotten.

But let’s start at the beginning of the evening.

First on hand were too-adorable-for-words and too-good- looking-to-be-real Mandi and George P. Bush (pictured) who warmed up the crowd with the earlier day’s activities and introduced former President George W. Bush.

 As he entered the stage, the audience gave him a SO. He said that he had just left his job as a greeter at Elliot’s and had nothing to do, so his mom invited him over. Evidently former First Lady Laura Bush was out of town, so the poor guy really was looking for something to do. He then introduced Barbara and former President “Big George” Bush(pictured), who with the assistance of a cane ambled on in and the crowd leapt to their feet again. Barbara then revealed that the event had earned $900,000 for the Barbara Bush Foundation for Family Literacy. This figure joins the $34M that over 700 organizations have received to help literacy in this country. Read it and weep with happiness!

(BTW, if anyone is keeping score, there were three George Bushes in the room. So to make things easier, we’ll describe them as Big George, W, and P. If you need further assistance, grab a grownup.)

Then Barbara introduced one of the thousand beneficiaries of the Foundation’s efforts — Johanna Betancourt, who eloquently told of her growing up in Columbia, a child of activists. Her family came to the U.S. in 2005 with nothing. Unable to speak English or get a job, the family started volunteering. Through this relationship, Johanna learned of a local family service group (one of the organizations supported through the BBFFL) and “My life changed.”

Today she reads to her 2 1/2-year old son, Santiago, and admitted that when he sits in his rocking chair reading a book, he “looks like a little old man.”

Quite frankly if that had been the whole program — three generations of Bushes and Johanna — everyone would have gone home thrilled.

But those were only the warm up acts. The authors were in the bull pen getting ready to razzle dazzle the crowd.

First up was the delicious Julia The House on First Street Reed (pictured), that Mississippi gal who cut her teeth with such publications as U.S. News & World Report and Newsweek Magazine. After covering former Gov. Edwin Edwards re-election, she decided to buy a house and moved to New Orleans just in time for a lady named Katrina to take over the Crescent City. With a true-blue southern accent the former Vogue writer managed to take this catastrophic event and make a sitcom out of it. Hearing Julia talk almost made you want to pack up the family and move to NO just to have her as a neighbor. For instance, her story about her friend “Bob” who weathered the entire storm. Wanna hear about it? You’ll have to get the book.

Next was Jeff  The China Diary Engel who admitted to the crowd that he and Big George had had an ongoing change of minds about his role in the Bush’s journal during his tenure in China. The former president insisted that Jeff was the author and Jeff claimed that he was simply editor. He went on to explain how presidents’ journals are fairly commonplace while they’re in office. However, it is a rare find to have a diary of a president before he took over the Oval Office. The Bush diary was not  just kept during his assignment in China and before he was president, but also at a time when the U.S.’s place in the international theater was on the front row — the fall of Vietnam, the opening of China to the rest of the world, etc. At one point with Big G sitting on the front row, you sorta felt like you were observing a conversation between Jeff and his diarist writer.

Then Bar stepped up to the mike and notified the assembled group of Mary TM’s not being able to attend the event. Her delivery was to the point and her audience didn’t quiver. There was not an “aw, shucks” heard anywhere. Perhaps a couple of raised eyebrows, but this group was too gracious to let their hosts know of any disappointment. Then the white-haired Bush matriarch explained that she had been fortunate to get a writer from Houston to sub in for MTM. “That was nice,” thought the Dallas gathering — a Houstonian writer. Hmm, wonder if she’s going to go on about how great Houston is and how the city was named the #1 Texan a couple of years ago by a Dallas paper? The audience prepared itself to be polite with this Houstonian chattering to them.

Well, that line of thinking lasted a big old 15 seconds. They almost gave the keys to the city to Louise Bayless Parsley, author of Revelations in the Rearview Mirror: One Mother’s Hard-won and Hilarious Epiphanies on the Road to the Empty Nest. The woman is the 21st century Erma reincarnated. Quick example: She said that the problem with her marriage to “The Bob” (another Bob) was due to a breakdown in communication which started at the wedding when he said, “I do.”  Just as she prepared to walk off the stage, she pulled out a hat and tossed in the air as well as Mary would have done it.  Could someone tell Mayor Tom Leppert that instead of getting major corporations to move to Dallas, he needs to hop on Southwest down to Houston and cajole the Parsleys to relocate up here?

Next on the agenda was David True Blue Baldacci, who realized that he had a tough act to follow, but he mustered up the courage and endeared himself by telling about his fear of talking to another group — his five-year old daughter’s class. The tale resulted in his having a five-year old describe in uncomfortable detail a very personal story about her mother. Then the author of Absolute Power shifted the evening gears to a more serious note — the importance of literacy in this country. “We’re losing the battle against illiteracy.”  The Washington-based attorney-turned-author went on to say that ignorance and intolerance go hand in hand. It was a telling point in the evening and the whole reason for the event.

The final featured author was A.J. The Year of Living Biblically Jacobs who delivered a knock-out punch to the audience with stories about outsourcing his entire life for a month, a month of being radically honest (“The worst month of my life.”), following the 100 rules of life by George Washington (#2 on the list brought down the house), and a year of living according to biblical teachings. He admitted this last one was a bit of a challenge since, “I’m Jewish in  the same way that the Olive Garden is Italian.”  The audience was nearly falling out of their chairs at this point. They were already so sucker punched by the earlier authors, there just was no way to fend off the hilarious Jacobs.  He described his walking around NYC in biblical garb complete with walking staff and untrimmed beard for a year. A.J. advised them that there were certain parts of the Bible’s instructions that weren’t too bad. For instance, to be fruitful and multiply. With a grin, he confided that during that year he did just that and the Jacobs had twin boys. Then he admitted that he couldn’t figure out why the Bible instructed people not to wear mixed-fiber clothes. The final story was about his meeting an admitted adulterer in the park and providing him with an opportunity to follow the Bible’s teaching of stoning.

He concluded his talk with a gentle reminder that one of the most important Bible lessons that he took away from that year was the importance of giving back to the community.

Bar was back at the podium to introduce a surprise author — W. Like a dutiful son, he took to the stage and explained that his “memoirs” were still a work in progress and his publishers did not take kindly to his sharing them with the public at this point even if his mother wanted him to. So he read a brief tale of being born to college sophomore and a college dropout. Bar’s eyebrow raised. He went on to tell how he hadn’t been raised in a log cabin but rather a double wide complete with pink flamingos in the front yard. Bar was now looking around the room as if she didn’t know who the character on stage was. Certainly, no son of hers. He completed the segment with revealing that as a child his mother’s book reading to him had gotten rather slurred and her breath no longer smelled of Pepsodent but rather bourbon. . . straight from the bottle. Looking up from his notes, he looked at Bar and said, “Gotcha!” Mother Bear Bar nearly took her husband’s cane to thrash her son.

Gathering her composure after delivering a verbal slap on the wrist to W, Bar thanked the audience and invited them to a “light supper” in the lobby. Now, light in our household is half an apple, a wedge of cheese, and some saltines. But we’re talking the hospitable Bushes. It was a delicious salad of sliced steak and a jumbo shrimp and veggie but no broccoli!

As the 1000+ left the Meyerson, bookworms and book browsers felt like they had celebrated Thanksgiving just a wee bit early with Barbara Bush setting a feast for the mind, heart, and soul.

Now, go out and read a book!